A fantastic fling. the end?

I’m home in Halifax after spending ten days in BC with Bali Boy, and it is hard to know where to start with writing this post. I guess I’ll summarize first, by saying that we had an absolutely wonderful time together but we didn’t fall in love. In that sense, everything went to plan.

The last ten days were a whirlwind. I had all these crazy travel assignments to do, so we were staying at beautiful high end hotels and getting treated like kings, while being romantic and having a fine old time. It wasn’t real. It was a perfect combination of situation and emotion that at times felt like there could potentially be something beyond friendship or a fling , but it simply never developed. However, because we are human, ie flawed, insecure, over-analytical and emotional. (Or to quote Aerosmith F.I.N.E. as in F***ed up, insecure, neurotic and emotional) there were moments in the blissful ten days when things got awkward. Like when he got smashed, told me he loved me and proposed.

We’d gone to spend an evening at the mutual friend’s place, which was really fun, except we started drinking gin (which usually makes me feel violent but that night made me just giggly and silly). At the start of the night we were barely touching, playing it cool and all that, but as the night progressed everyone got a bit rowdy and Bali Boy kept referring to me as his girlfriend. I was drunk and happy, so didn’t correct him. After we went back to his place, he became a poet, telling me all about his love for me. I told him to go to sleep. Two hours and many proclamations of his true love later, he finally did go to sleep.

The next morning I left before he woke up (because I had to go to Whistler with a girlfriend on another assignment, not because I was running away or anything!) and later texted him to tell him what he’d said last night. He was mortified, couldn’t remember any of it. It was funny, and being me I couldn’t resist teasing him whenever I could about his proposal.

Anyway, that was right at the start of my visit. Once I got back from Whistler, Bali Boy and I headed off to Vancouver Island for a little working vacation. We spent two days in Tofino staying at the Long Beach Lodge, which has to be the most romantic place I’ve ever been. Our room had a balcony that overlooked the crashing surf, there was a fireplace and a huge bath-tub made for two.

View from our room at the Long Beach Lodge

It really was incredible. The first night we were there, we went for a long romantic walk on the beach and talked and talked. Bali Boy was great to travel with, perfect fun and very witty. We really did enjoy each other’s company. Then we spent a fantastic 24 hours in Victoria, before heading back to East Van to spend a last night together at his place.

Everything was going absolutely fine until that last morning, when Bali Boy said something stupid that really pissed me off. I kissed him, looked in his eyes and smiled, then he said to me: “Now don’t you go falling in love with me.” I think I just said something like “There’s no fear of that” and walked away, but I was just furious. What an incredibly egotistical thing to say. I seethed for a while, and thought I just had to say something more. He was dropping me off at a meeting (I scored a job when I was in BC, which means I’ll be traveling back a little more often) a couple of hours later and I brought it up, the whole not falling in love with him thing.

I told him point blank that there had been no love connection for me, and I was puzzled and slightly pissed that he thought I was there wishing for him to fall in love with me. I also said something mean, which I instantly regretted: “I’m hardly looking at you and thinking you have husband potential.” Then I told him why, because he was a 38 year old kid and I’m looking for a grown man. And I think it stung. Not because he wants to be my husband, but I think ultimately he wants to do the whole married with kids thing. I went to my meeting still feeling angry and then feeling like a complete bitch.

When I saw him later it was weird and I didn’t want it to be. We made friends I guess, and he was super complimentary and lovely, which made me feel even worse. I think we just had a little misunderstanding that I probably blew out of all proportion and we both misread shit and it almost soured what had been a pretty much perfect week together. As I left he said that he was really pleased I got that job so we’d see each other again soon, and I said maybe, but only if he promised not to make any douchebag comments. I think we will see eachother again, as friends, whatever, who knows, but I’m not in Vancouver again until September and really, who knows what could happen between now and then?

Meeting Bali Boy

So, I’m sat in the Opus Hotel in Vancouver, waiting for Bali Boy who went out on a food run. Things are going good, really good. He picked me up in his red convertible at 1pm yesterday and we went for Thai food. I was so nervous I hadn’t managed breakfast (nervous about handing my daughter over to her daddy for ten days, because I’ll miss her not because she is in any danger, as well as nervous about finally getting together with Bali Boy), so I was pretty ravenous by the time we went for lunch.

Its funny how I can have so much confidence at times but then be so chicken at others. As soon as I saw him I became incredibly shy and hardly knew what to say. He was cocky and more confident, until we were alone and then he became the shy one. It took us a while to relax in each other’s company, but once we did, it was brilliant. Bali Boy is an excellent kisser. Making out with him was divine.

Its been two days together and so far we are having a lot of fun, just hanging out, smooching, being silly. We went and watched Star Trek together, and went for a great lunch, which was (I guess) our first date. We had a fantastic dinner at Elixer, the restaurant in the Opus hotel, last night then got drunk and watched South Park episodes. Hanging out with him is so fun. I really do like Bali boy, he is everything I’d hoped.

That said, we have discussed where this is going and are on the same page. This is a fun diversion. A really fun diversion. He can be my Vancouver friend with benefits until either of us meets someone else and isn’t single anymore. Oh, here he is with food, gotta run.

Boys are confusing

I thought that I had finally met someone worthwhile in Halifax, but I very quickly discovered that I was wrong. Thankfully nothing had really happened and I wasn’t too heavily invested in this thing, so I got over it pretty fast. This new boy, lets call him ‘Sailor’ because he owns a boat, was someone I met last Friday night at a party. In all honestly, when I met him I didn’t think much of him because he acted like a bit of a doofus, thought he was much funnier than he was and was was leering at me. But, the drunker I got (and the more time I spent in his company) the more I liked him.

I ended up spending all night on his boat, because I was too drunk to leave, and the next morning we spent a few pleasant hours together. He seemed quite interested, and as I got in the cab to leave he asked me to email him when I got back from Finland (I was flying there later that day). Although in the cold light of day he was quite cute, and had a pretty tattoo, I still wasn’t convinced I was interested. So I told him I didn’t have his email address. “Facebook me,” Sailor called over his shoulder. “I don’t know your full name, I’ll never be able to find you,” I said, closing the taxi door. I impressed myself at how cool I was being. But then I wasn’t expecting to start liking him.

I get on the plane to Helsinki and look through the photos on my camera, and there were all these fantastic pictures of me and Sailor together. He looked very cute, and extremely happy with his arms wrapped around me, I was grinning ear to ear. I started to think that maybe I should cut the guy a break, perhaps he wasn’t such a doofus and just acted like one to cover up his loneliness or fears or whatever. He had said some lovely things to me that night….

At this point I started acting like a girl. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

So I find him on Facebook pretty easily, and we become friends. I see that he has posted that he had “The Best Weekend Ever” and smile. I see that another chick says “Thanks for a great night Sailor” the day after I saw him but I think, whatever, its okay, doesn’t mean he screwed her. We communicate back and forth and talk about getting together when I get home.

I get off the plane in Halifax and see that he’d messaged to ask when my flight got in because he might be able to see me there (he works at the airport so its not that big a deal), I message back to say I’ll just see him another day (I’d been flying all day and looked like shit, the last thing I wanted to do was see anyone). I walk through customs and there he is waiting for me. That’s showing an interest, right? I was impressed.

So, my ride had forgotten to pick me up so I was sat there for ages talking to Sailor, and it was fun, flirty and we talked about when we’d see each other again. I went home with a smile on my face thinking that I might have finally met someone cute in Halifax.

We emailed a couple of times that night, he said he was looking forward to hanging out and that he was off work on Thursday. Last night when I emailed to ask when we’d be getting together he totally brushed me off, said “I already have plans Thursday night, but if things change I’ll give you a holler”.

WTF?

Seriously, WTF?

After a day of questioning myself (was it because I looked like shit getting off the plane? Because I have a kid? Because there is another girl? Did I say something? Because I mentioned on my blog that I’d met someone?) and feeling like crap, I snapped back to reality. This guy is totally not worth my time. I didn’t think he was worth my time until I saw pictures of us looking happy, until I projected something that wasn’t there on to an entirely inappropriate person.

Sailor is hot, sure, but he is a 40 year old man living like a teenager, on his boat, getting drunk and high. Very fun, but that’s not my life. It might have been fifteen years ago (without the boat), but not now. I took him off my Facebook, because he isn’t a friend (my friends treat me better than that) and even if he suddenly regained interest there is no way I will ever go there again.

boys are like buses

When I was offered this blogging gig, I was a little concerned that I might not have enough material to write about. My dating life wasn’t that exciting and I hoped that the fact that I was going to have to write about it would mean that I’d put more effort in to actually searching for a man. For whatever reason, suddenly my dating life has got a bit exciting and I’m really not sure how to handle things.

I am not good at this whole dating a few people at once thing. I feel like that kind of dating has a whole different set of rules of engagement, and I don’t have the playbook in my possession. Suddenly, there are a couple of interested parties in my life and it worries me. Thrills me and excites me as well of course, but is a tad stressful. I met someone last week that made my heart flutter, and he is totally interested, but I’m flying out to BC to spend time with Bali Boy on Monday.

I’m also worried because obviously whatever I write about my love life is fairly easy to find online, so I’m forced in to a position of being totally honest and upfront with people. But then, that’s kind of how I am anyway.

This is a rambling post, with no real point so I should probably end it. But I have a really awesome post I want to write about what happened with this new interest, I just have to work out if I’ll shoot myself in the foot by doing so.

On another unrelated note, I just spent 24 hours in Finland on assignment and feel compelled to mention that the Finnish men almost knocked the Montreal men out of the water looks wise. If you are attracted to 6’5 blonde Nordic God types. Which, I kinda float my boat. I came close to getting intimate one with a very hot Finn this week, but decided that two boys messing with my mind was enough. Sigh. My love life feels just like waiting for a bus, none in sight for ages and then three come along at once.

montreal boys

I know that I already confessed my adoration of the French-Canadian male, but I feel that this is a topic that deserves

No, really, I was just taking a picture of my daughter.

further attention, especially as I actually took a few pictures to use as evidence of how gorgeous Montreal boys are (you will notice that my toddler is in some pictures, as I didn’t actually want to be caught taking pictures of hot strange men).

In Montreal, it really did seem like there was a disproportionate number of attractive men. They were everywhere. My friend joked that it didn’t matter where we were, in the Metro, a restaurant, any store, there were at least three attractive men in our sight. The young men were gorgeous, as were the old men and everything in between. It wasn’t just that they were just naturally attractive, it was also that they took good care of themselves. Montreal men dress well, even if they were wearing a Ramones T-shirt and jeans, dressed like a hippy or in a suit, they could carry off their look better than other Canadian men can.

The sexual confidence that Montreal men display is dead sexy. They are not afraid to flirt, hold your gaze and even talk to you. Then of course the accent drives me wild too. I am a sucker for that sexy French accent and could have someone read me the news with that purr and get turned on.

Doesn't my daughter look cute? Oh and look, there's a hot boy!

I spoke to a few Montreal guys about the sexiness they had and they were both surprised, they thought that it was very hard to be a man in Montreal because the women were snooty and did not appreciate them. “It is hard to be a single man in Montreal,” said one young hottie, “there are not enough women here and it is hard to meet someone special.” I felt so bad for him, I wanted to move straight to Montreal and address the imbalance!

the un-date date

I am in Montreal for a couple of days, and being here has me wondering why it was that I moved to Halifax. There are hot men everywhere. Beautiful men that make eye-contact, smile at you and touch you gently on the arm with a ‘pardon’ if they bump in to you. I swear I haven’t stopped swooning since I arrived. Of course it helps that they all have sexy accents too. I am here for a job, I’m writing a story on ‘hippy Montreal’ for a women’s magazine, and I’m traveling with my daughter and a lovely friend, who is offering babysitting back-up, which allowed me to go for an evening out with a very handsome man.

I met this man, lets call him Francois, on a press-trip a few years back when I was six-months pregnant and thought him the most charming man that I had ever met. When I walked in to a room he would stand, he opened doors for me, and was incredibly chivalrous. I was totally enamored with his behavior, and loved his flirtiness. Francois and I stayed in touch thanks to Facebook, and when I knew I was coming to Montreal, his hometown, I asked to meet for drinks because I knew he would show me a side of Montreal I couldn’t discover alone.

We had a really lovely time together. He was just a charming as I remembered, told me half-way in to out first beer that he had never found pregnant women attractive and then met me, “You were there with a big-belly, chubby, and very sexy” he said. I think the word “chubby” was meant as a compliment and took it as a lost in translation kind of thing, because obviously its not an entirely flattering word! Anyway, we drank more, he was fantastic company and I had the best night out that I’d had in ages. Here comes the catch.

Francois has a girlfriend. A beautiful, young girlfriend who he is madly in love with. So, our evening together was not a date, even though it felt a lot like one, especially at 1am with three beers and a couple of rum and cokes in my belly.

A picture Francois took on our un-date. Yes, I am flirting through the camera lens.

We both laughed at how much fun it was to be on such a date like un-date and I cursed the fact that I don’t meet men like Francois who are single. Francois is quite a catch, I think that his girlfriend must be a very lucky woman (and have the patience of a saint considering what a flirt he is!) Being the victim of infidelity made it easy to draw very clear boundaries and know precisely what this was, and the fact that we were able to completely frank about so many things made the evening feel very mature and responsible, and I never felt like it veered in to anything inappropriate despite the fact that under different circumstances, I would for sure be falling for this charming man.

It was a fun and perfect evening. All the best qualities of a really perfect first date, with none of the expectations. I was reminded of how fun it is just to flirt, and realize that I should try to do so more often, which probably means that I need to drag my lazy ass off my sofa and go out in Halifax more often. Perhaps in the future I’ll just target French-Canadian men though, fortunately there are a fair few here in Nova Scotia so it shouldn’t be that hard to find some.

Dealbreakers

I was downtown today with my daughter and decided on a whim to take her over to Dartmouth on the ferry, because that’s the kind of thing that two-year-olds get a kick out of. As we were waiting to board the ferry, this guy I went on a few dates with about six months ago comes over and says hello. I always feel a bit awkward at meeting up with men when I’m in mommy mode, but this guy (lets call him Danny) has a kid himself so I felt okay about it. Danny was cute, funny, charming and I had really liked him. When we started dating I could see myself being with him, but three dates in I realized that he didn’t have a job, lived with his parents and was really not over his ex. So, I ended things.

Chatting with Danny today, I found out that he now has a decent job, and although I didn’t know if he was out of his mom’s basement or over the ex, I presumed that at least one of those things might have happened since I saw him. Danny is a good looking guy – he is tall, blond, built and dresses well, so I couldn’t help thinking I might have made a mistake in finishing things. Anyway, despite the residual chemistry, but I said goodbye and took my daughter up on the deck to look at the water while he went to sit inside. For all of the fifteen minutes it took to get from Halifax to Dartmouth, I wondered whether I should say anything about going out again some time.

I didn’t get a chance, because he was gone by the time we got off the ferry, but as we walked past the liquor store out he came. We chatted again and he walked us to a nearby playground. It got awkward when he told me that he thought he ex was getting married today (RED FLAG RED FLAG!), but he seemed okayish about it. We both said that we should meet up sometime and then he left. I watched him walk away, lighting up a cigarette as he turned the corner, then I remembered what the ultimate dealbreaker had been.

It wasn’t that he smoked, although I hate smoking, it was that he told me he smoked in front of his eight-year-old kid because he didn’t want to hide anything from him. This repulsed me, because for one that meant he was exposing his son to second-hand smoke, but also that he was modeling a behavior that I thought was wrong. Now I’m not a super judgmental parent, truly I’m not, but that just struck me as so incredibly dumb that there was no way I could see the guy again.

So, I’m glad I saw him sparking up that cigarette, because otherwise I would probably emailed him and suggested we meet, which would have just been a complete waste of time.

Game on!

The chatting with Bali Boy has continued on an almost daily basis over the past few months. I like him, he is sexy, smart and gorgeous. He makes me laugh hard, so much so I snorted Cheerios out my nose and all over my iMac last week. Our chats are intense, fun, sexually charged and leave me wanting more. I have been trying desperately hard to sell stories on BC in order to justify a trip out west to visit him but it didn’t look like I was going to be able to do it.

Just when I was about to give up, I managed to score an assignment for a national magazine that requires me testing out romantic resorts (yeah!) so at the end of June, me and kiddo will fly to BC, I’ll drop my daughter off with her father for 10 days and spend some quality time with Bali Boy.

This seems like it will be the perfect way to consummate our “relationship”. He’ll drive us to the resort in his convertible, we’ll spend two days holed up in a luxurious suite that has a jacuzzi tub made for two, ocean views and everything you could possibly ever want for a dirty weekend. Hopefully the connection I felt that night back in Vancouver so long ago will still be there, we’ll make each other laugh, and enjoy each others company enough that the rest of my time in BC will also be spent with him.

I’m so happy that I’ll at least get to have a bit of fun, because it has been so long since I’ve spent time with someone I really like. Like I said before, this can’t go anywhere and I’m okay with that. I’m not looking to fall in love with someone who lives in the city I am so happy to have left, and this guy isn’t looking for a long-term thing.

This will be a fling, with a start and an end.

For 10 days I will exist outside of the realities of being a mom, where I get to be someone else. An all the time sexy and fun version of me, where I am not responsible for anyone and seeking only my happiness. Kind of like me ten years ago, but more jaded, less desperate to please and much more concerned about my own joy!

The set up

My neigbour knows the perfect guy for me apparently. Freshly divorced, two kids, works in a creative field and very nice. He sounded awesome and I got kind of excited at the prospect of meeting this man, but then found out that he wasn’t quite divorced and lives in the same house as his wife still. So although he could well be the perfect guy for me once his shit is together and he is properly separated, right now, there is no way I could get involved with a mess like that.

One of my new rules in life (post divorce) is no relationship drama. I realize that any relationship is going to have some drama at some point, but if someone is still living with their wife I cannot see how that could bode well. Even if they are definitely split, this guy has some healing to do. Maybe next year, if I’m still single I’ll check in with my friend about that guy, but right now its not going to happen.

Then two of my girlfriend’s met a guy that they thought would be perfect. A friend of one of their husbands who had moved back to Halifax recently. He sounded exciting and interesting, and a dinner was arranged so that I could see for myself what a catch he was. The dinner was great and yes, this guy seemed to be a catch,until he mentioned that Halifax was just a temporary stay and he was planning to move back to Montreal as soon as possible. I can’t invest time in someone that doesn’t want to live here. Plus, I don’t think he was exactly bowled over by me, there was a lack of spark for sure both ways.

Despite the fact that none of my set-ups have played out to a great conclusion, I still like it when my friends try to find me the perfect guy because I think it shows how much my friends are invested in my happiness. They want me to be happy, and I love that. Given how hard it is to find someone in this city, I’ll take whatever help I can get.

Dating and broke

As a self-employed single mom, money is tight. Actually, in this climate its fair to say that money is tight for everyone but I’m pretty much surfing the poverty line every day. I mean, I get by and my child is well looked after. The reasons that we are poor are that I bought a house and had to spend $12000 on a lawyer last year thanks to custody battle bullshit. But anyway, being broke is my reality right now, which is hard when dating.

On many levels, it is difficult to date when broke. Here’s what I need money for every time I date:

1) Babysitter. Before I’ve walked out my door I’ve spent $20 on childcare. If its a good date, that could be more like $50.

2) Haircut. Because although cutting my own bangs with kitchen scissors and sticky tape is fine for everyday mommy life, I do dream of presenting a more polished persona when meeting a man.

3) New tights/ stockings/ whatever. There is always one thing that my dream outfit needs in order to make me feel pretty.

4) Taxi fare home.

5) Money for beers/ dinner/ whatever. Of course I hope that my date might pick up the tab but you never know, so you need to be prepared. (For the record, I like it when men at least offer to pay, and not just because I am poor.)

Because of this, going on a date is never just an easy feat like it was in my carefree youth where (thanks to being a grunge girl) it was as simple as putting on some black eyeliner and strutting out the house looking carefully dishevelled, because I am supposed to look like a put-together woman in order to snare a man.

And now, because the date I am getting really excited for is in Vancouver (the traveling boy has returned to Canada and I am about to actually take our fling off-line and in to the real world!), I have that pesky plane ticket to cough up, and one for my child so that I can make this a combined custody visit for her and week of fun for mummy.

Dating is expensive, and unlike when you buy something tangible and know that you will be getting a certain value for that expenditure, you never quite know whether you’ll be getting any bang for your buck. Of course, not knowing what you will get and the hope that you will actually score something that money can’t buy is what makes this dating malarkey truly worthwhile.