02
Jun
09

Dealbreakers

I was downtown today with my daughter and decided on a whim to take her over to Dartmouth on the ferry, because that’s the kind of thing that two-year-olds get a kick out of. As we were waiting to board the ferry, this guy I went on a few dates with about six months ago comes over and says hello. I always feel a bit awkward at meeting up with men when I’m in mommy mode, but this guy (lets call him Danny) has a kid himself so I felt okay about it. Danny was cute, funny, charming and I had really liked him. When we started dating I could see myself being with him, but three dates in I realized that he didn’t have a job, lived with his parents and was really not over his ex. So, I ended things.

Chatting with Danny today, I found out that he now has a decent job, and although I didn’t know if he was out of his mom’s basement or over the ex, I presumed that at least one of those things might have happened since I saw him. Danny is a good looking guy – he is tall, blond, built and dresses well, so I couldn’t help thinking I might have made a mistake in finishing things. Anyway, despite the residual chemistry, but I said goodbye and took my daughter up on the deck to look at the water while he went to sit inside. For all of the fifteen minutes it took to get from Halifax to Dartmouth, I wondered whether I should say anything about going out again some time.

I didn’t get a chance, because he was gone by the time we got off the ferry, but as we walked past the liquor store out he came. We chatted again and he walked us to a nearby playground. It got awkward when he told me that he thought he ex was getting married today (RED FLAG RED FLAG!), but he seemed okayish about it. We both said that we should meet up sometime and then he left. I watched him walk away, lighting up a cigarette as he turned the corner, then I remembered what the ultimate dealbreaker had been.

It wasn’t that he smoked, although I hate smoking, it was that he told me he smoked in front of his eight-year-old kid because he didn’t want to hide anything from him. This repulsed me, because for one that meant he was exposing his son to second-hand smoke, but also that he was modeling a behavior that I thought was wrong. Now I’m not a super judgmental parent, truly I’m not, but that just struck me as so incredibly dumb that there was no way I could see the guy again.

So, I’m glad I saw him sparking up that cigarette, because otherwise I would probably emailed him and suggested we meet, which would have just been a complete waste of time.


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