Posts Tagged ‘David Deida


The Game, revisited

Periodically, my email inbox reminds me of my not-distant-enough past. To wit: emails from self-styled dating gurus, so-called spiritual “leaders” (this means YOU, David Deida!) and invitations to Bikram yoga retreats. For the most part, I chuckle to myself, hit “delete”, and go about my business.

Sometimes, though, I reflect on my time on the periphery of “the community,” as Neil Strauss dubbed it in The Game, and wonder what those dudes are up to, i.e., what new marketing schemes they’ve come up with. I got close enough to a number of the biggest names in “The Game” (and some latecomers) to smell the Drakkar Noir*; Zan Perrion, Dave M., Grant Adams, Brent Smith, Lance Mason… plus I’ve interviewed David Wygant (for this blog, and a column), and (God help me) even tried a couple of Ross Jeffries’ courses. I’m still not convinced any of these guys had more than confidence and a good marketing plan, but more to the point,  the only one I actually liked on a personal level, whom I thought was a good guy, was Zan. Now, I’m not saying a guy has to be likable (and we’re talking subjectively here) to learn from, but to resort to the political red herring: of all of them, who would I want to actually sit down and have a beer with?

For all my investigation (or, as I prefer, “research”) into their techniques, the only one I found to be effective, at least for me, was David Wygant’s, and his advice didn’t consist of much more than motivational talks to give me the balls to go up and talk to people*.

So I guess the question I ask myself, the question I can afford to ask myself now that I’m firmly and happily (gasp!) ensconced in a relationship, is: for all the hundreds, perhaps thousands (I don’t want to think about it!) I spent on phone coaching, Internet correspondence programs, conferences, books and Marc Jacobs cologne, did it help? Did I get even anything approaching my money’s worth? Would the outcome have been any different had I, say, used that money to buy original comic book art or a boat instead?

But maybe a better question is: did I enjoy the journey? I have to say, it was an adventure. I’m sure if I had been in a better place in my life, like Hawaii, I wouldn’t have had to resort to seeking help from total marketers, I mean strangers. I found myself in some exceedingly odd situations though–in a hotel room in San Francisco with top dating gurus/coaches, and the hotel security guard, who came to warn us to keep it down so the Hong Kong flight attendants across the hall could sleep; in Everett, just outside of Seattle, in a hotel room with the sex educator, attending a David Deida conference; at the Cactus Club watching Zan work his magic on the waitress. Also, there were those nights at Celebriteez, hanging with the guys from Lifestyle Transformations, and a couple of tantric sex classes conducted by Tanya… all it all, it was a pretty interesting experience. There were some lessons in human nature, too–you can be a successful dating guru, with money and women at your disposal, and still act like a total putz, at least on your email subscriber list. Not to mention any names, Mr. Speed Seduction.

Anyway, I’ve rambled on enough about this subject. I did learn a lot; I don’t regret a minute of it, only a few hundred dollars. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go sell some stuff on Craigslist. A dog-eared copy of The Game, anyone?

*With apologies to my colleague Michael K., from whom I steal all my Drakkar Noir references.



David Deida Weekend Intensive Pt. 3

May 25, Sunday: Began again this morning with two hours of separate exercises for men and women. The guys got “Rock and Roll” by Led Zeppelin to pump us up at the start and they got some Joni Mitchell (which I heard later as it wafted through the wall separating our groups). After having us jump and run in place and doing some yoga poses, Deida’s two assistants K-Don and Eli took any questions the men might have. There was a moment of tension as the question period went long and one guy spoke up with, “You know, you’ve been saying we were going to wrap this up ‘in a couple of minutes’ a few times and now I don’t believe anything you say.” This got us back to doing exercises. I believe I’m not at liberty to go into too much detail as to what these were, but let’s just say it had to do with eye contact and locating energy in a partner, and made me extremely uncomfortable. Which I suppose was the point.

My friend the sex educator, whom you may recall from previous blog entries, also came for the weekend, to work in a volunteer capacity. She was allowed to take part, however, and so I found out from her that the women’s exercices were much more physically strenuous and endurance testing. That explains the Joni Mitchell.

During the lunch break, I chatted with one of the women I’d done an exercise with the afternoon before. Talking to a stranger with whom I’d shared a pretty intimate moment–she repeating “I’d follow you anywhere,” me saying “You’re beautiful”, in close proximity–was, well, weird. So we talked about our cats.

Back in the conference room after lunch, we were treated to the man himself, David Deida, taking some questions from the audience/participants. Once again the session was hijacked by couples wanting Deida to solve their problems while we singles twiddled our thumbs. It didn’t help thinking back to something Eli, one of the assistants, had said during the men’s Q-and-A that morning, about listening even when the question didn’t seem pertinent because you never know when you’re going to hear some gem of wisdom.

My energy was serious flagging by the mid-afternoon break, but when we returned to the conference room things got interesting again. We were separated into two separate groups, men in the chairs on the right, women on the left. Deida asked for volunteers from the audience to help demonstate what men find attractive in women. Suddenly there was a rush towards the stage, so much so that a few of the women wouldn’t fit. One even fell off. We spent the next couple of hours, men and women, with Deida as monitor, zeroing in on what it is men look for when it comes to women we’d like to have sex with for one night and those we would like to find enlightenment with for 20 years on a desert island. Two came in with an almost equal number of votes in the first and three for the second. One woman was even selected for both.

The sex educator was shattered when told of what she’d missed. Sick with a cold, she’d decided to sit this session out, not knowing what we’d be doing, and was sorely pissed when she found out. I told her I could easily imagine her making a beeline for the stage and getting in on the competition, and I figured she would easily have won one of the “competitions”, for lack of a better term. Although she was disappointed when I told her which I thought she would have taken. “I already know I’m [expletive deleted],” she pouted. “Three guys came up to me after and asked why I wasn’t up there!” She added, “I want to win the enlightenment one, 20 years on a desert island! Why can’t I win that one?” 

April 2020

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