Posts Tagged ‘code of conduct


Recycling — My Earth Month Amendment

Okay, so I’m lazy. I have zero desire to go out and meet new guys (well, that is not strictly true…I have 5% desire to meet new people, 95% to drink cheap white wine and cackle with my lady friends)… and I’ve compensated for it in two ways:

1.  I put out universal thought waves that impel me to bump into men on the street, or more likely in my apartment complex, which around this time of year fills up with 20-something boys just begging you to ‘party…please come party.’

2. I recycle. (Perhaps ‘reuse’ would also be an accurate term but it’s a bit mercenary for my tastes.)

Per the latter, I have only one question: Why not? Recycling–i.e. picking up where you left off with someone who never left angry, or vice-versa–seems like the most efficient and stress-free way of having a personal life sometimes. In fact, I’m beginning to think I’d like to make a habit of it. Who needs a husband when you could have:

1. A part-time sugar-baby houseboy who lives in a foreign land and speaks with a sexy accent

2. A part-time mad genius artist who lives in three cities and speaks in tongues

3. A part-time ‘serious, sensible’ upwardly mobile man whom your parents would surely love if you ever let them meet him.

I think I could totally live my life this way for a while. The only thing is, unfortunately, it’s not sanctioned by modern monotheistic religion or governmental policy (hypocrites!!!). So I thought I would write my own constitutional amendment, on behalf of Earth Day, energy-saving practices, and fickle women everywhere:

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for two people to hook up and have a fabulous time, and then not see each other again for a brief while–or a long while, perhaps even a year or two–due to work, relocation, personal issues or a combination thereof, then when the twain bump into each other again, it shall be deemed right and appropriate by the power of the Dating Columnist invested in This Humble Blogger (and my various worldwide Counterparts) that those Two shall fromp again as they see fit… provided they are both still single, free and (ahem) easy. (This, note ye, is not only fair and just, but entirely sensible given the particular social flexibility the universe has granted us, what with discount airfares and Facebook and cell phones and prostitute-mongering political role models, fa la la etcetera etcetera.)

Witnessed by no one except you, The Reader, but I suspect everyone from Kinsey to Skinemax would co-sign if they had the chance.

This Day of April Whatever, 2008.


April 2020

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