Master Cleanse, Day X: gimme nachos

Well it’s finally here.

For the last 10 days I’ve eaten nothing. Not a scrap of food. Instead, I’ve been drinking glass after glass of lemonade spiked with maple syrup and cayenne pepper.

I didn’t do any preparation, either. There was no “easing into” it or psyching myself up. No; last Friday, on our way to the airport to see the Texas Twister off to Portland (and then Switzerland), we stopped for a last breakfast of an Egg MacMuffin-type of thing, but fresh and made at an actual cafe. And then, rather than start the next day, I decided “it’s now or never.” And so that was the last thing I ate. In 10 days.

So now that it’s just about done, what will my first meal be? A breakfast muffin and coffee? Granola and yoghurt? Some fresh fruit and toast? Nachos? (Which is what I really, really, really want. A big plate of greasy nachos covered in cheddar cheese and with slices of jalapeno and black olives and banana peppers, with salsa and gaucomole and sour cream on the side… but I digress.)

Orange juice.

Yes, that’s right. That’s what I can reward myself with for the last week-and-a-half of foodless torture.

See, it’s recommended by Experts on the Web that one eases back into the consumption of real food, starting with juice, than soup broth, and finally some fruits and vegetables in about three days. For two reasons: to avoid shocking your poor digestive system, and to keep the weight off.

Nothing was said about nachos.

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