10 Signs You’re Just Not That Into Him — Thanks Caitlin

I got an email from Caitlin Murray, the PR for AstroGlide, last week, with the subject line you see above. And of course, I had to check it out. Woo-eee, the girl is no-holds-barred, but you know what? It was funny stuff. Especially now, when the “He’s Just Not That Into You” craze that should have lasted one week–just long enough for memories of its original Sex & The City appearance to be washed away by a newer episode–has turned into a friggin’ feature film.

Without seeing it, I can tell you that I’m tired of it. In fact I’m tired of any sort of mass entertainment that is geared toward a female audience, yet written by a man. It’s s like bringing an all-female writing team to write the NFL Highlights Show–yeah they could fake it, but would they really understand?

Anyway. I liked Caitlin’s list enough to re-post it here, with my comments. Score one for Astroglide; they’ve hired a rep who’s not afraid to make a statement.

1. You call him his buddy’s name, and then justify it by saying “well you’re just all so interchangeable.”

Ouch. Really, you get away with that?


2. You update your Facebook status, write on two friends’ walls and upload a new album all before considering responding to his message.

All of those things seem much more urgent at the time. I know because I’ve totally done this.


3. He sends two dozen perfect lilies and the sweetest, most genuine card imaginable.  You cringe, roll your eyes, and call your best friend to make fun of him.

 A man who sends flowers is not one to be dismissed out of hand, Grasshopper.

4. When he asks you out you say, “Can I just have the money instead?”  You’re dead serious.

 Would love to know what kind of response this got from the poor sucker with the checkbook.

5. You don’t consider him to be worth turning off your cell, applying bronzer, or cracking open that bottle of Astroglide.

 If you even need Astroglide the first few times to get things going smoothly, he’s definitely not worth it.

6. You actively hit on another guy in his presence and obtain said male’s number—all while on a date with him.

 You have not done this!! Really? Caitlin? My gosh, kids are growing up so fast these days.

7. When he falls asleep drunk in your bed, you strip the sheets as soon as you kick him out—regardless of your hangover.

     What is he doing while he’s asleep and drunk in your bed?  Drooling? Groping?  Peeing? I can’t think of much that would propel out of my nice cozy covers at dawn, to do laundry.                

8. You suggest hanging out at your place to up the odds of him going for your hot roommate.  That way you can break it off on account of his “wandering eye.”

This is sheer genius, although diabolical.

 9. If he dares bring up the labeling of your “relationship,” you switch topic faster than, well, a guy usually would.

I know the feeling on this one. Even if I’m supposedly in a relationship lately, I tend to forget. So what’s the point of talking about it?

 10. You waited months to sleep with him, but he still became a one night stand; the next morning you decided never to try THAT again.

Hahaha. HahaHAHAHAhaha! This is awesome.


Thanks to Caitlin and AstroGlide, for your cheeky creativity. Everyone else, stay tuned–soon I’ll be writin my own list, called “10 Signs He’s Just an Asshole.” 

1 Response to “10 Signs You’re Just Not That Into Him — Thanks Caitlin”

  1. February 3, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    I don’t know who this “Caitlin” chick is, but she sounds sassy and sexy – girlfriend material. And she’s likely got a lifetime supply of free lube, which is nice.


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February 2009

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