22
Dec
08

The end of the honeymoon

The other night, I came out of the bedroom and found the Texas Twister asleep on the couch. She wore an eyemask and headphones connected to her iPod to shield her from the outside world. 

It was the middle of the night. This morning, when I asked, she said she’d chosen the couch over the bed because I was snoring so loudly.

This made me wonder: what other things do I do that are suddenly annoying so annoying she has to remove herself from my presence? And, more importantly, is the honeymoon over?

Because, now that I think about it, there are a few other indications that we’re heading Relationship Phase II: taking each other for granted.

For instance, perhaps it’s time to admit yes, I have been wearing sweatpants around the abode a little more often than is aesthetically pleasing. But nothing else fits, since I gained those 10 pounds. Can I help it if I’ve stopped going to the gym? I mean, now that I have a girlfriend, who needs to stay in shape?

Another thing is, I’ve stopped lighting incense. In fact, I’ve given up using antiperspirant, cologne, or any other kind of smell-good product completely. It’s her own fault, for saying she likes my pheromones.

Oh sure, I might make an exception if I’m going out. But who goes out anymore? I’ve got everything I need right here—TV, beer, a real-live girl, cashews.

I’ve started slacking off in the bedroom, too. Now, I no longer make sure to I have that Barry White CD at the ready. I just slap on whatever 90s alt-rock mix happens to be around. As for candles, forget it. What if there’s a blackout?

When she starts talking about something that holds no interest for me, such as super-conductors or how she feels, I no longer feign attention. I just stare at her boobs.

Last week, I wore my Winnipeg Jets hockey jersey out in public.

But then, It is just over six months into our itemship, which as experience has shown me, is just about the time that passion, lust and fascination turns into boredom, disgust, and loathing. Wish us luck—especially since she’ll be meeting my parents on Christmas Day.

I hope you’ll be here to catch up on all the hi-jinks.

Also, watch for my annual “Year in review: my dating and relationship highs and lows for 2008”. It’s sure to be a gas.


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