Going to Club Med. Porque no?

As anyone who’s ever Googled me knows, I’ve done a lot of writing about all-inclusive resorts–particularly the adult variety–in my day. I know my Desire from my Hedonism from my Couples from my Sandals. (Gosh, that sentence is bizarre if you don’t know the context.)

Anyway. These companies constantly contact me to write about them–and I often do. They also invite me to visit–which I very rarely do, for a few reasons.

First, the clothing-optional ones are completely out-of-bounds because I’m very choosy about whom I wish to see naked. Call me shallow if you must, but I don’t consider the average nude stranger to be sexy, or spiritually liberated, or inspirational. I find them unnerving. The sunburn, the bulge, the swinging bits…no thank you.

Second, you’ve gotta be pretty darn comfortable with your significant other to drag ’em to an adult/ nude / swingers resort for a week. And the last time I was that comfortable was with my ex-fiance, who completely agreed with me on Point #1, above.

Third, I always think that places with a “clothing optional” or “anything goes” policy don’t really mean it. What they really mean is, “Get naked immediately, get involved in stupid drunk hijinks along with the rest of us, and do stuff you’d never normally be comfortable with–because you’re on vacation and them’s the rules.”

I know Hedonism is like this, and I think others are. Couples is, of course, very twosome-ey and lovey-dovey, and would probably not want me to dress in a toga and have sex with a stranger in the hot tub… but Couples is Honeymooner Central, and what the hell am I supposed to do with that?

Anyway, the point of this whole blog is that finally after 9 years, I’m going to an all-inclusive party resort–and not just any one, but the one that started it all: Club Med. Cancun, baby!!

There is actually more method than madness in my decision: See, Club Med claims it’s changed its stripes, and I want to see it. Back in the day, this was the uber-uber of crazy adult resorts. It was Ground Zero for a million regrettable Spring Break moments. But in the last 10 years–particularly as it’s spread so far throughout the world and spawned so many competitors–it’s tried to diversify beyond the crazy-singles-party scene. About five years ago, Club Med even hired a friend of mine who specializes in reinventing giant companies to be more female-friendly. She basically rewrote their branding bible, tossing out Commandment #1 (Male Employees, Thou Shalt Tap as much Female Guest Ass as Possible) and replacing it with a way more PG set of rules. Obviously this wasn’t great for some of the male employees, but Club Med management loved it, and I from what I understand, guests loved it too. Vacation hookups are fun and all, but 90% of us want them to be spontaneous, not mandatory.

Fast-forward a few years, and Club Med has become a family vacation resort and a brand internationally known for its approachable, casual style. Some locations are more hedonistic than others, but overall, the place is far distancing itself from its formerly crazy image. It’s even started hosting self-help workshops and the like. Which is how I ended up being invited to go…my friend is a self-help speaker, and she invited me. Though I’m a little afraid of any inclusive Caribbean resort, especially ones I associate with Tara-dise or Girls Gone Wild, my curiosity wins out this round. I want to know what the place looks like. I want to see with my own eyes, these charming international employees bid adieu at the end of the night, and just go home rather than trying to beg, borrow or steal a soul kiss. Above all, I’m curious to see what sort of identity Club Med is creating for itself, since it left a fairly serviceable one behind when it wentoff the sexy rails.

Stay tuned…

2 Responses to “Going to Club Med. Porque no?”

  1. June 26, 2008 at 11:01 pm

    Okay I’ve been to Club Med Cancun a few times due to work (that’s where we have our yearly sales conference because we get a good rate).

    We were there the first time back in 2005 and it was a total singles / couples place. There was even a cougar on the prowl looking to hook up with any single men and she was even eyeing some of my fellow co-workers. That year we had to leave early due to Hurricane Emily making its way.

    The following year, we went to Club Med in Florida as the Cancun location was still being built. This Club Med is totally a family resort.

    We went back to Club Med Cancun in 2007 and it turned into a family resort.

    Now all three times we’ve been there, the staff was just annoying. Always wanting to eat with you, drink with you, girls hitting on all the guys…even some of the “GOs” looked familiar every time as they transfer between locations.

    We returned this year and wow! The staff completely different and so was the attitude of them. None partied with the guests, none ate with the guests…pretty much a 360. We were blown away by the change and can say it’s definitely changing for the better.

  2. 2 Dan0299
    March 23, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    I have to comment about the Caribbean also having great night clubs as well, I visited this all inclusive resort called charlisangels adult and erotic vacations where the European and Russian escorts in beach front villa. While at the erotic vacation resort me and the escorts visited some of the hottest night clubs for night life activities. Look forward to visit the resort again for the summer.

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