25
Mar
08

Words to the wise from the real-life Hitch

I first saw David Wygant in action at Lance Mason’s Real World Rapport Summit in San Francisco last month. In a demonstration of approaches during the three-day conference, the enthusiastic, fast-talking former New Yorker (and, as legend has it, the inspiration behind the Will Smith character in the movie Hitch) blew away his competing pick-up artists. In an afternoon demonstration of his prowess, Wygant struck up natural-, and effortless-, seeming conversations with the attractive female test subjects in whatever setting—“Airport!” “Coffee shop!” “The gym!”—audience members suggested.

A veteran of the suddenly booming dating coach industry, Wygant is unique in that he advises both men and women. (He’s also been quoted in a variety of magazines and made dozens of TV appearances.) After various false starts I caught up with him on his cell in his adopted hometown of Los Angeles to chat about his rather strange occupation, what makes his coaching and downloadable programs (such as the Men’s and Women’s Mastery Series) different, and what men and women need to know in order to become dating adepts.

How did you get into this?

I came to this occupation 10 years ago when there wasn’t an occupation. I wanted to do something that I loved. I loved really relating to people, teaching them things. I wanted to find something I could spend my life doing instead of just making money. I’ve been an entrepreneur my whole adult life. Money was never an issue for me. But I wanted to do something I enjoyed, something that moved me in a lot of ways. There was nobody out there at the time. I think Zan [Perrion, Vancouver’s own “enlightened seducer”] and I realized we were doing it longer than just about anybody but Ross Jeffries [the granddaddy of the whole pick-up community]. I just don’t believe in tricks. I believe you just need to spend your time learning inner confidence and becoming that man that attracts people instead of relying on hocus pocus. You don’t need hocus pocus! And you need practice. The problem with our culture is it wants instant results, and instant results just don’t work. There is nothing that is ever going to help you instantly. It takes time. And that’s fine. That’s why people really like my stuff. They see real results, but it takes them a lot longer. They don’t mind because they know it’s lasting.

Is there a stigma attached to people who seek advice in this area?

The clients I get are people who are more self-evolved. These are men—and women—who really want to take their life to a deeper level. I’m getting guys who really want to learn the art of attraction, who want to become confident. I’m getting guys who want to become what I call real men.

How is what you teach different when it comes to men and women?

There’s a big difference between men and women. First off, when I’m teaching men, I’m teaching them how to be good conversationalists, how to listen, how to observe. I’m teaching them deeper ways to connect with the opposite sex. If you ever go out and watch two women, they’ll get into a conversation that will flow. It revolves around getting deeper from one topic to another. When a man talks to a woman he tries to go in there and he basically breaks her train of thought. He’ll start talking about random stuff. A woman will be in a grocery store picking out coffee and the man will walk over and say something ridiculous like, “Who cheats more, men or women?” What I do, when I coach men, I’m teaching them the art of learning a conversation and actively listening so they can talk to a woman based on what she’s already feeling and thinking. When I coach a woman, I’m teaching her to understand how men think, why they’re wired certain ways, and how to attract that man so he’s able to come over, and you still have all the power to select the man you want instead of being chosen all the time.

A lot of these so-called “dating gurus” have expanded their business and hired assistant coaches. Have you done this?

I’ve got one coach that works for me, and that’s it. Otherwise, no–this is my business. People come, they read my stuff, they buy my products, they want to be coached by me. I want to make sure they’re getting a fantastic experience.

Do you like the term “dating coach”?

No. I prefer “communication consultant.”

Are you still learning, or have you reached the limit of figuring out the male-female dynamic?

I don’t think you’ve ever reached the limit of anything in life. If you’re listen you’re always learning. I can tell you one thing. I’m a helluva lot smarter than I was 20 years ago. But I’m not as smart as I’m going to be in 20 years.

What changes have you seen in this industry?

Because of Neil [Strauss, author of The Game], or “Style”–and you know how I feel about nicknames, I think they’re for four-year-olds. I like to nickname women because it creates intimacy, so whenever I meet a woman I like to call her “Coffee Girl” or “Chocolate Girl” or whatever. But men with nicknames in the dating world? It’s ridiculous. Brand yourself. But honestly, I think the industry has changed unbelievably. I would thank Neil Strauss in this article and personally for writing a fantastic book which really brought this out to the forefront, so people actually go out and think dating advice is a cool thing to get. Because it is cool–you don’t need to be shy about it.

Take us through one of your weekend intensive bootcamps.

Friday night the troops gather at my house, some of the guys even stay at my house, under lock and key. We do role-playing, we do storytelling. You learn to flirt with beautiful women I have come over to my house. At the end of the Friday night everyone gets the DVD version of what they’ve just done. Saturday we go into the field, we go to every day places. We go to farmer’s markets, art galleries, bookstores, supermarkets, drycleaners, clothing stores, you name it. Every student has to buy a digital recorder, everything they go through, we do an audio summation afterwards. If they went up and approached a woman they get it broken down by me so they know exactly what to do when they’re alone. Sunday is a lot of approaches; I’m no longer teaching you, I’m following you.

What have you got coming up?

I’ve got a new product called 20 of My Best Openers coming up. And I’ve got a brand-new website being launched in the next two weeks.

You can find out more at http://www.davidwygant.com.


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