At Midnight We Fed the Giraffes….

 Yes, it’s true, we did. I’m not sure why this seems so bizarre to people. Surely it’s no stranger than the midget who dresses up like a leprechaun and pours free shots off the bar at O’Sheas in Vegas.

Anyway, I was up in Sonoma, where stranger things than giraffes can be seen on a daily basis. Somehow we ended up staying on a wildlife preserve in the mountains, which was absolutely freezing cold in the wee hours, but still quite entertaining. Definitely not your typical night out at the clubs–instead, my sister and I and a couple of friend/colleagues sat around a fire, drank port and South African wine, watched some tourists from Oregon smoke weed, and finally went into the giraffe barn at midnight and fed ’em baby carrots. Good times.


 Giraffes are the cutest 12-foot-tall creatures I know. They’re also the only 12-foot-tall creatures I know, but that is not the point. I mean seriously, check this out.


 I personally did not have any romance drama this weekend, but certainly other denizens of the safari preserve did. For starters, there was this horny little zebra who kept coming up and putting the moves on all the other female zebras, only to be screeched at, snapped at, and finally kicked for his troubles. (Gentlemen, you think women in bars are brutal…you have no idea.)

horny zebra

Then there was this bird named Delilah. She’s super-cute for her species, as you can see…but fat lot of good it does her. She is in love with a man. A human man. She croons at him and nibbles him gently with her beak (a beak that can break a person’s finger with no trouble whatsoever), but does he reciprocate? Oh, hell no! Instead he gets someone else to distract her, and then he runs away and hides. Don’t hate the player, hate the game…this is what happens when a bird decides it’s a human.


 And finally there were these two ostriches. I typically don’t like ostriches because they are foul-tempered, violent, bigger than me and uglier than all get out. I’d rather eat them than hang out with them, any day. However, this pair was cute enough to soften my cynical soul. Though I still wouldn’t want to go on a double date with them.


 So yeah, that was pretty much it for the weekend. Not so exciting, and I’m sorry for that, but my next posts will be from Jamaica mon, so I’ll try to make up for it.




P.S. All the good photos on this post are on loan from Amy Paturel, who accompanied me on this surreal journey and has a really amazing…camera. (Amy and me on the safari wagon, pictured above.)

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